We’ve all heard it a million times: “Fake it till you make it!” It’s the kind of advice people give when you’re feeling unsure about your skills or out of your depth at work. But let’s be real—does pretending you’ve got it all together actually help? Or does it just leave you feeling like a total fraud?
The truth is, faking it can work in some situations, but it can also backfire big time. So, let’s break down when it’s okay to fake confidence—and when it’s better to keep it real.
When Faking It Actually Helps
Sometimes, a little bit of pretending is exactly what you need to get out of your comfort zone. If you’ve ever walked into a job interview nervous but forced yourself to smile and speak confidently, guess what? You were already faking it in a good way.
Why It Can Be a Good Thing:
- Confidence is catchy: Acting confident makes others believe in you, which can help you start believing in yourself too.
- Helps you take risks: Faking a bit of confidence can help you say yes to challenges you’re not totally ready for—but that help you grow.
- Practice makes perfect: Acting like you know what you’re doing can actually help you learn faster.
Example: Speaking up in meetings even when you’re nervous makes you seem more capable to your boss—and it gets easier the more you do it.
When Faking It Goes Wrong
On the flip side, faking it can backfire if you’re pretending to know something you don’t—or trying to be someone you’re not. The worst-case scenario? You end up feeling like an imposter, terrified that everyone’s about to figure out you have no idea what you’re doing.
Why It Can Backfire:
- It’s exhausting: Constantly pretending is mentally and emotionally draining.
- Triggers imposter syndrome: The more you fake it, the more you feel like a fraud.
- Breaks trust: If people realize you’re bluffing, it can hurt your credibility.
Example: Agreeing to lead a project with zero experience (and no plan to learn) can quickly turn into a stress spiral.
How to Build Real Confidence Without Faking It
If you’re tired of pretending to have it all together, try building real confidence instead. The key is to stretch your limits a little without pretending to be someone you’re not.
Here’s How:
- Admit what you don’t know: It’s okay to say, “I haven’t done that before, but I’m willing to learn.”
- Focus on your strengths: Highlight what you’re good at instead of bluffing about skills you don’t have.
- Borrow confidence (for now): Act confident in new situations but commit to learning what you need to know.
Example: Saying, “I’m not an expert in this yet, but I’m excited to learn,” sounds way better than pretending you know it all.
How to Fake Confidence Without Feeling Fake
If you need a confidence boost but don’t want to feel like a fraud, try these tips:
- Stand tall: Confident body language can actually trick your brain into feeling more self-assured.
- Change your self-talk: Swap “I’m so unqualified” for “I’m learning as I go.”
- Prepare, prepare, prepare: The more you prep, the less you’ll need to fake it.
Example: Writing down a few questions before a big meeting can make you seem more confident—even if you’re freaking out inside.
Red Flags You’re Faking It Too Much
Here’s how to tell if you’re going overboard with the faking:
- You’re exhausted all the time: Pretending is draining—if you’re constantly tired, it’s a sign you’re overdoing it.
- You never ask for help: Fakers often avoid admitting they need support, which can lead to mistakes and more stress.
- You feel like a fraud: If you’re always worried about being “found out,” it’s time to rethink your strategy.
So, Should You Fake It Till You Make It?
Yes, but only a little. It’s totally fine to fake confidence while you’re building the real thing—just don’t pretend to have skills or knowledge that you don’t. The goal is to push yourself to grow, not to pretend to be someone else.
Key Takeaways:
- Fake the confidence, not the skills.
- Own what you don’t know—but show you’re eager to learn.
- Take risks, but stay true to your strengths.
Bottom Line: A little bit of faking confidence is fine—just make sure you’re backing it up by actually learning and growing.
